Most of the problems I have seen in relationships come down to partners not knowing what "normal" is and struggling to find a definition that works for them. They have no idea how to communicate about "how the relationship should be".
If you go into a relationship using the same communications skills taught to us by our parents, you can expect to fail.
There is a very easy way to tell if you are using dysfunctional communication techniques.
Imagine that you and your partner disagreed about which way the toilet paper roll should go, or whether you rinse the dishes before you put them in the dishwasher or not, anything that "shouldn't" matter but in the moment feels like it does.
My couples often refer to arguments like this as "something stupid". So imagine that you and your partner were arguing over "something stupid".
To me, it isn't "something stupid". Arguments over "the way things should be" such as with the toiler paper or arguments about "Who has the right to make a final decision?" such as which the dishwasher; are actually extremely important in maintaining a relationship with someone.
Unfortunately, unless you have a system in place to talk about your relationship, you will never overtly ask these questions of each other.
You will then have repetitive arguments, blowups, and wondering whether or not you've grown apart.
Anytime there is a situation where you and your partner argue about a problem that stays the same and yet it somehow seems to get worse, it is because the argument, in part, has something to do with your relationship.
There are several reasons, but the biggest one has to do with our fear of being alone and a concept called limerence. Limerence is that emotional feeling you get a first date that is often confused with "genuine connection".
Limerence is nothing more than a cocktail of oxytocin, adrenaline, and realization of a shared experience, but people sometimes build an entire relationship on it and then when the drugs wear off, you realize you have no idea how to communicate with the person you call your partner.
Dating apps exacerbate this because of how quickly the process happens. You can go from "picture" to "person" in a matter of seconds. This brings up the second reason this happens.
People believe that they get into relationships with others because they are "the best fit", when in actuality you are seeking to maintain and replicate patterns of interaction from your childhood that are comfortable.
The relationship problems you have with your partner will mirror the relationship problems you had in your family.
The problem is that most people believe they had a "happy childhood" and cannot fathom that the way in which they were raised would influence the relationship with their partner.
So instead of "comparing notes" in terms of earlier childhood experiences, they take turns blaming each other for the problems in their relationship.
The truth is that traditional therapy is based upon the same faulty assumptions that our parents used when raising us.
It is so concerned with rules and roles that it doesn't allow a relationship to develop naturally on its own. However, there are certain rules and expectations that are necessary for relationships to work!
In my initial consultation I will show you the structure of your relationship as well as ways in which it can change.
I use every day language. Yes, your feelings are important, but equally more important is making sure "What you are saying" is "What You Mean" and that "Your Partner Gets It!".
My hourly rate is $350 per hour. Financial scholarships are available for those who qualify! Please ask about them during your free initial consultation!
The most important aspect of therapy is the therapeutic fit. This is why I give a free 30-minute consultation! I want you to ask me questions and interview me for the position of working with you. If you are ready to take the next step text or call me at 318-732-7489 or click the below to be taken directly to my booking page!