about me

My Story

I just wrote this and all of it got deleted and I don't feel like rewriting it all. So here are the cliff notes.

I am a marriage and family therapist. For most of my life I struggled with procrastination and complacency. I felt like life kept presenting me with situations where I needed to do something even though I didnt feel like doing it. In my childhood, the only time you did something when you didnt feel like it was because the situation compelled you. I never learned how to compel myself. 

One day I found myself in a situation where I was sitting in an air bnb after my wife had asked for a divorce, on the same day I opened my practice as a marriage and family therapist, one month after moving to Seattle, Washington and being completely and totally dependent on myself. I didn't feel like going in to work that day.

I'd felt this feeling before. 

I felt it as a senior in high school 24 hours before my english final was due on a book I was supposed to read over the course of the year and I knew I needed to read the book.

I felt it as a sophomore in college when I received a letter of academic probation and I knew I needed to bring up my grades.

I felt it in my marriage when my wife would ask me to "tell me how you feel" and I knew I needed to say "I feel like you're crushing me"

I feel it now as I write this bio. "I can do it later".

In that moment, as I sat in an airbnb eating cold rotisserie chicken from safeway, I realized that this situation keeps happening over and over again. What is it that life is trying to teach me that I am refusing or unable to learn? How did I get here?  

It was because I never "went to work".  Work is literally doing something that you might not feel like doing, but that you know you need to do. In this situation, "Going to work" was the perfect metaphor that was also an example of itself. I couldn't help but "get it". 

I started doing the things I said I was going to do and not doing the things I said I wasn't going to do. 

I started doing things I needed to do even if I didnt feel like doing them.

I didn't make the mistake of "not going to work" and I build a vision and a plan for my practice.

I want to talk about as many situations as I can that life throws at you and the lesson that you need to learn from each.  I know that if you don't learn that lesson, and by "learn" I mean "show learning by changing your behavior when that situation comes up again" you are doomed to repeat it until you get it and each time will hurt worse than the last.

I don't want you to have to hit rock bottom to "get it", I dont want another relationship to end because the partners cant see the lessons each other are trying to teach about how to relate to one another. I don't want you to believe that theres something wrong with you are wrong with your partner. I want you to be able to look at the situation for what it is and whether you need to do 1. Something, 2. Nothing, or 3. Do Something Different.

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